FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Mar 30, 2010 - North Haven, CT
CT web design company, 3PRIME was notified today through first class mail that they've been included in a class action settlement involving communications giant AT&T. The lawsuit alleged that AT&T failed to deliver DSL Service to its customers at the speeds promised. AT&T denies these charges but has decided to settle in order to avoid further litigation. As part of the landmark settlement 3PRIME is entitled to a one-time payment of $2.00 (minus the cost of printing out and mailing the claims form). Needless to say the company is ecstatic to be part of such a lucrative windfall.
There was a spirited office debate as whether to spend the $1.50 on half a cup of coffee or several pieces of gum before co-owner Ryan Turner settled on the coffee.
"The amount of energy we'll get from that half a cup of coffee will be vital to our efforts here at 3PRIME," Turner said. "This is truly the stimulus package that we've been waiting for. 3PRIME is just proud to be part of a legal system that has struck yet another miniscule blow to big business."
When asked how'd he'd distribute the coffee to his employees Turner mused, "Well, with thimbles I guess. Or maybe an eyedropper?"
Philip Blair, head lawyer in the case against AT&T was adamant in involving other stricken DSL users. "Has AT&T prevented you from pirating copyrighted media at the speeds you deserve? Did it take you more than two hours to download the newest Twilight movie?" Blair continued, "Then you too can profit from this settlement/death of a million cuts."
Blair has spread the word about the settlement through an expensive direct mailing campaign which costs rival that of the settlement itself. "These are tough economic times and it's important that these companies know that they are entitled to roughly $1.50," Blair said. "It could be just what they need to pull themselves out of the red. Or if not, they could purchase several novelty items, like silly putty, in order to boost morale."
"Who doesn't love silly putty?" Blair added.
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